who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
