We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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