Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
