I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
