Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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