a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
