let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
