i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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