at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
