no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
