i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
