I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
