you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
