No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
