it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
