You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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