Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
