Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
