$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
