and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
