is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
