id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
