Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
