...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
