note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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