i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
