I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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