I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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