I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
