we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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