My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
