Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
