I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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