if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
