she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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