Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
