I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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