Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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