drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
