Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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