whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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