there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
