Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
