i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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