not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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