You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
