Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
