so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
