if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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