I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
