I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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