maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
how drunk are you?
Several
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
