Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
