Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
