im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
